It Had to Happen Sometime

I decided to go ahead and get this over with. Let me just say that after all that's happened these past few days, I seriously considered deleting that last post. Then I thought to myself, No. That's not a good idea. You see, the last time I was sitting here typing, I was cradling a tiny, sleeping puppy in my lap. That was five days ago. Now, I'm sitting here alone in an empty house. There isn't any Bella to cuddle anymore. Just me.

This year has been anything but fun. In fact, it's been the complete and total opposite of fun. I've had to say "good-bye" to a lot of things. Good-bye, Dad's job. Good-bye, lifestyle. Good-bye, beach house. Good-bye, summer vacations. Good-bye, stay-at-home Mom. Good-bye, house. Good-bye, Boston. Maybe I'll see you later, Belmont. Good-bye, laptop. Good-bye, friend. Good-bye, happiness. Good-bye, comfort. Good-bye, stability. Good-bye, sleep. Worst of all, Good-bye, Bella...it sucks.

We got Bella in June. My mom and I had wanted her for about two years. We dreamed about her. We saved up for her. She had a name. She had toys and treats and more toys. She had our hearts, and we didn't even know her yet. Then, we found her, or, rather, she found us. She became real- a little, fluffy diva who yapped and ran and snuggled and chewed and jumped and kissed...

We couldn't afford to go on vacation this summer, so my days were filled with puppy-duty. I watched her while my mom worked. I slept on the couch the first few weeks we had her. She'd whine in the middle of the night, and I would get up to comfort her. She could fit in the palm of my hand. She had all sorts of funny faces and habits, like shredding the towel after bath time to take out her vengeance for being tortured with water and suds. Stuff like that that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. Because of Bella, I was happy during a tough time.

I saw her for the last time on Saturday. She turned 9-months-old that day. I held her on the way to the vet's office. She was so small and fragile, but she still fit just right in my arms. When they told us to leave her for the weekend, I walked out. I remember pausing outside thinking I didn't kiss her good-bye. What an odd thought. I wish I had gone back in.

Later that day, they called us and told us about the emergency operation they had to perform. We waited. They called again telling us just how bad it had turned out to be, no easy fix. We waited. They called Sunday night and said things were going "pretty good" but it was still too early to tell. We waited. I went to school Monday. Got called to the office just before 2nd period. She had died early that morning. I was crushed.

The truth is that I'm tired of there never being any happy-endings. I'm exhausted, really. For the first time, I could care less about Christmas. It's probably just going to be another disappointing, dull, and gray day. The summation of my year.

I got a dog over the summer. She was something pretty special. She was the tiny thread that held this shaky family together.

What happens now?

If You Give a Puppy Some Olive Oil...

This past week, my puppy, Miss Bella Naomi, has been battling a stomach bug. Did you know that such a thing existed for dogs? I didn't.

On a scale of big to little, Bella falls into the tiny range. I mean, she is itty-bitty. Because of her size, I am paranoid that just the slightest gust of wind will blow her away. Perhaps my paranoia stems from our first few days together when I got put on "baby duty" all by myself. She got sick. I freaked out. It was bad. Then, there was that time that we were sleeping together on the couch, and she rolled off...not good at all. Point is, Bella and I have already been through a few ups-and-downs together. I'll be the first to admit that I'm dearly attached to this little fuzz ball. After all of the time I've spent taking care of her, you might say that I'm borderline overprotective. She has become my baby, no doubt.

As you may imagine, I once again freaked out when she got the bug. She's really pitiful when she isn't feeling well. She just looks up at you with those sad eyes. That, folks, is what you call a "puppy pout." Bella usually barks and runs and barks and barks some more but not this week. Instead, she has altered her routine to shivering and sleeping and barfing, just like a sick kid. It's hard to watch. But, she is very good to snuggle with when she can't resist. I've liked that part of the whole ordeal. She makes a good snuggle buddy.

Thankfully, she has slowly returned to normal over the past day or two, but it is still a challenge to make her eat. Weighing-in at a whopping almost 4 lbs., she didn't have much to lose in the first place. Now, she looks like a scrawny weasel or something. She's stubborn, so making her eat isn't easy. Just a few minutes ago, I had a brilliant idea. I softened her dog food and put some olive oil in it (she loves that stuff), and she ate it!

Yes, it's a sort of pathetic when I get excited over feeding a Yorkie, but, nonetheless, I feel extremely accomplished.

Now, she's sleeping, and I can finally go to bed.

I feel like a teen mom.